Two Common Problems and Easy Fixes in a Relationship

In relationships it’s often easy to forget about your partner when you’re balancing looking after your kids, home, work, and social life (or lack of it). The first one that arrives on the back burner is always the one that’s closest to you, because you’re allowed to take your partner for granted right?

Of course not. But this is something we often forget. So I’ve decided to give you a couple of easy fixes to two of the most common stressful marital problems. You might be surprised how common these are…

Complaining to Your Friends and Family

Never, ever, air your dirty laundry in front of close friends and family. A little venting to friends may be okay as a stress relief, but family? Never. Your agitation with your loved one is invariably temporary, but family, especially parents, never forget, and the little bitchfest you pulled off in front of them will stay in their psyche forever, probably leading to severe familial problems down the road.

You want your spouse to have a great relationship with your parents? Keep them in the dark. As far as they are concerned, your relationship is great, even if it isn’t. In addition, too much complaining drives your focus away from where it should be; pondering solutions. Portraying yourself as the victim is ultimately self-defeating.

If your friends start dishing the dirt on their own partners, sympathy is the ideal response. Joining in not only makes one look shrewish, it fosters a lessened image of your spouse in your own mind. Instead of airing grievances while everyone else is mouthing off; make the effort to sing his or her praises.

Mutual compliments not only make you both feel good, it strengthens the marriage unit. It’s difficult to be vexed when you’re being admired, and when other people perceive you as having a good marriage, it tends to nurture that ideal.

To Argue or Not to Argue

We’ve all heard the adage pick your battles, and while wise words, it’s best not to suffer in silence, as that builds stress and resentment. A better idea is to bite your tongue, stifle your friction-building knee-jerk retort and instead consider a framed response after some deliberation. Think about how to broach the subject without arguing; present the situation as a problem for you both to solve together. And save that conversation for when you’re both relaxed and playful, rather than when your partner has, for example, just got home from work.

If you want to make a change in your partner’s behaviour, employ a little behaviourism. Use only positive reinforcement; reward pleasing actions with a thankyou or a compliment. Try not to admonish displeasing behaviour, as that’s another resentment builder. (Yes, human beings really are this simple.)

In conclusion, in relationships you get far further with a carrot than you do with a stick. (I am, of course, talking figuratively.)